i send my SOS to the world- this is my message in a bottle.

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Perfect Fit Horoscope

Wow, my love horoscope for today totally goes with my last entry:

Whether you realize it or not, you just started a new phase in your life. It's going to look like a huge leap one day, but for now you're just feeling happier and sexier.

11:19 a.m. - Saturday, Oct. 16, 2004

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What I Want in a Man

Mmm, hello world.

So last night after I came home from going with Jade and Gil for a little mexican food grubbin', I was in a good mood. In a ridiculously good, foot tapping, spontaneous room dancing kind of way. It was just a good feeling- nothing specific to bring on the mood at all...just pure throw-your-hands-up, can't stop grinning, joy.

Those I think are the best moods; the ones that come totally spontaneously, for no reason except that things are good in the general sense. Been getting ready for my birthday next week, and I think I'm going clubbing tonight which is good- I'm in the mood to get my groove on the dance floor. Man, I think this is way recurring- for someone who used to be such a homebody, I've been partying every week. Ah, well I still think I am a homebody, but no harm in living it up a little bit.

I also got a B on my midterm, which is pretty good.

Anyway, I've made a resolution to myself.

No more assholes.

I guess this resolution has been triggered by the fact that I've talked to V. a little bit more lately (after his apology) and even though he's said that he's sorry, and I know he means it- that doesn't mean he's really changed, or that he's a different person. Talking to him just reminds me of what an asshole he is. With that disclaimer said: it's not that I don't or didn't care for him, or that I'm saying these things because it didn't work out between the two of us. He's just...asshole-y, in the general sense- I even thought that when we were dating, so that's not new news to me. And he's like that to everyone, so it's not personal.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've dated some really big scumbags in my time. Maybe I'm a bum magnet, maybe I just didn't really have my head on straight yet. I was talking to a friend about this a couple days ago. He asked me, "What do you think it is with the bad guys, and then the girl finally realizes, and dates/marries a good guy?
Are they "settling" for the good guy cuz they know its better for them?"
I told him that it's definitely not a matter of "settling" for a good guy. I think the relationships you form with other people are a direct relationship to the one you have with yourself. I mentioned to him a book that I read awhile ago, at the prompting of an entry of Violet's that she recommended it called The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky.

Anyway, I told him there was a quote that totally stood out for me:

""We accept the love we think we deserve."

So maybe, especially reading back on my old entries like I have been prone to do lately, I can see the genesis of growth there. Because what we need, and what we think we deserve are two different things, and I'm realizing that I deserve better.

And I know innately, that for someone who I would think would have better judgement, I don't. I can recognize that in myself, my attraction with dark sides, bad behavior, strength in an impassive angry form, or a relationship with a deadline. Maybe I was hoping there was something underneath the toughened exterior, I don't know. But honestly, when was the last nice boy I dated? High school? I think my entire adult life, these are the types that I have dated: cheater, emotionally impassive, charasmatic habitual liar, merely physical, manipulator.

Not very promising, but in hindsight, I can say that I learned a lot from these situations. And now, perhaps, if I ever meet the right person, I can recognize how unique that is. Because I want the right person to not teach me something about myself simply based on my response to the things they do- but for actually being who they are.

For a smart girl, I can get stupid when it comes to guys. I lose all sense of judgment, moral compass and intelligence.

But not anymore.

I made a list the other night, of the qualities I really want in a man. I made one a year ago, but I can't find it, and maybe those things don't apply anymore. I needed a new list. Because in reading my old entries, I realize that I've grown up a little bit. I'm still ridiculously far from where I want to be, but to see that growth is good. And I know that a lot of that growth is an internal relationship with myself, and so now hopefully my external relationships will mirror that.

Qualities I want in a man:

Intelligent- good conversationalist; someone I could spend the whole night talking to, even months and months down the road
Funny - bantering humor
Sexy - but still respectful
Has his own mind, not a pushover
Takes care of me- protective of me
Openminded, but not without opinions
Ambitious- not afraid to dream, but has the ability to actually make things happen and do the work behind it
Has good friends, loyal friends.... that always speaks highly if people are in their court
Loves me
Solid, stable to keep me grounded
A good listener- VERY important to not just talk
treats me like a lady
Family oriented- roots and ties to where he came from
gets along well with my friends- if he's gonna be relevant in my life, he has to understand that part of my life
Supportive of my dreams - encourages me to dream and pursue them
Believes in himself, and believes in me
Gives me space

So, let's see how this goes.


5:15 p.m. - Friday, Oct. 15, 2004

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