i send my SOS to the world- this is my message in a bottle. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Procrastination Nation I'm at school right now, in the cyberlounge trying to find something else divert my attention from studying and the final that is taking place in T-minus 1:45min. I haven't been particularly as regular with my entries lately. Suffice to say, much is happening. I guess I'm getting ready to go to San Francisco- but of course only mentally...haha. Packing or actual preparing...not so much of that happening just yet. I have already paid my housing; first prorated and second months rent and my deposit, figured out what classes I want to take (FINALLY!) and paid fees. Now I just have to register. Been going out quite a bit. Now that I think about it, I've been clubbing every weekend for quite awhile now. I think I'm kinda embracing this time in my life a little more wholeheartedly then before. Not to paint the image of some falling over drunk prancing along the streets of the Gaslamp, cause that's not it at all, either. Just been socializing and doing fun things with good friends. It makes me really happy to make the most of this time because very soon, it's going to change for all of us. Not just me, and so I know that when I leave, things are not going to be the same when I return. Which yea, makes me sad in a way. Life is kinda knocking at the door for some, and because of that, each moment is a little more poignant for me. Oooh-- I don't think I've mentioned it in this blog, but i'm going to EUROPE! in August! I'm sooo excited- I'm going on a Mediterranean Cruise with the family. And get this--- we're going to FLORENCE, ITALY. Florence! It's one of my "dream vacation" locals, so I'm soooo excited. We're going to fly there first, spend 2 days there, then fly to Rome, where the cruise begins. Then we're hitting Monte Carlo, Nice, Greece, Italy.... I forget exactly what cities, but I'm sooo excited. That means this year is going to be a very big year for me. SF, Europe...wow. OH! More news! (Can you tell I'm very much procrastinating studying, and how little I've written in this blog about what is up with me?) I spoke to an old friend, I. on the phone last night who called (and I continued to talk, also in an attempt to procrastinate studying), and we chatted about old times. She's still friends with A. & M. (the Betrayer Friend and Someone I Once Dated). Anyway, they're still together and A. was asking about me. She still wonders about me, wishes me well. I appreciate that. But that doesn't change things. My past is just that- a past. And some things just...hurt. And sometimes, even when they don't hurt anymore, at least not the way they used to, it's better to not open the door to it again. Some things, you can't fix. Sometimes, you have to let it stay broken. I'm about to start a new chapter in my life, and I'm not particularly interested in bringing my old baggage with me. To A. - I hope you're well too, and despite my better judgement, I always will. I reconciled my peace with the past, but my future is my own. You know what's been an interesting phenomenon lately? Tears. I'm totally fine, but I'll read other people's blogs or books, regarding people who are in love, or people who are breaking up...just anything related to it- and I'll totally start to tear up and cry. That's so nerdy. There isn't anything behind it either- no related situation in my own life that would make me react this way- it's just... love in general? What surprises me is that I'm not feeling the lack or want of it as acutely as I am sometimes wont to do. I go through periods of incredible impatience, "Get here, Dream Boy, damnit!" and "I'm good, I'm happy, if it happens, it happens". I am in the latter, which is always nice. But maybe it's the idea that is getting to me lately now- the idea of people sharing this every day miracle with one another that just blows me away. If I could just get that once, that would be great. But maybe that clock isn't ticking as loud as it once was. I always thank my friends, but maybe today it is time for a new thank you-- 7:18 p.m. - Wednesday, Dec. 08, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||