i send my SOS to the world- this is my message in a bottle. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Brand New Year
"Making new resolutions, a hundred times..." Man. I can't believe a whole year has gone by, and in hindsight, it was one of the biggest years of my life. I did the exact same thing this year for New Years that I did last year, but in the 365 days that were in the middle so many things happened that it's crazy to think that things came right back where they started a year ago. The specifics were the same; the people, clubbing in the gaslamp (but this time @ L5 instead of E-Street), stay at the Doubletree afterwards and party, grub at the same mexican food place in the wee hours of the morning. But this year, there was so much security in the year that had past. There were trips to Vegas and San Francisco together, late nights in PB and in the gaslamp, little jokes and laughter that I will treasure, with this year as a very golden time in my life with some very special people. This year, there was a concinnity, a sort of "coming full circle" to the year, that shows me how far I've gone, and how the most important things in my life have stayed the same. Things have changed, I have changed, situations and feelings and hearts...and yet, here I am again, changed and yet as sure as ever. The song by Gwen Stefani, "Rich Girl" came on in the club, and although I never really loved the song, in context, everything felt so nice and right with the moment. It was one of those rare, fleeting moments when you throw your hands up and dance and cannot stop smiling because the moment is good and perfect, and you recognize it while you're in that passing second and savor it. Kind of the knowledge that despite the fact that my bank account is empty, that my heart is full, and no amount of success or money in my life can possibly make me happier then these random moments with the people I love. And having that in my life, here and now- well that makes all the difference. All the riches baby, won't mean anything We made it right into the door of the club just as the countdown began. It was kinda cool, kicking off the year just as we were coming into the club. The rest of the night entailed dancing, drinks and a lot of laughs. Dan got mass props (as usual) from strangers, Elaine regaled stories of every Saved By the Bell Episode known to man and Chris jumped on my back and molested me as well as licked balsa wood (haha, it isn't as bad as it sounds.) 2004 was an awesome year. Notable, as I spent it as a 21 year old going out and having a blast. I tapered things off with V., had a summer fling (finally!), and begun the resolution to hold out for something good and great in my love life. I traveled, I laughed until I cried, I started school at SDSU and made some cool friends. I started to actually be passionate about the things that I'm learning in college. I let go of some negative people, I gained so many more positive ones. I felt more acutely the transition to adulthood and yet somehow was able to revel in my youth. 2005 is going to be...landmark. I can feel it in my fingers and toes, anticipate it because I already know that it is going to be even huger then this year and that thought boggles my mind because so many wonderful things have already happened in the last 52 weeks. To think that in just 3 weeks, I will be living in a completely different city blows my mind. I will soak in a city that is stranger to me, I will learn what it feels like to be so far away from the city and people that I love for longer then 2 weeks. I will miss carne asada fries and my dad's sinigang, the stories that my mom tells over dinner and friday afternoons pretending to mix on the turntables. I will miss the sound of laughter that penetrates the air, and of hugs and security and warmth. But I will trade it for the chance to see who I am outside of all of these ideas I have about myself, and in the end, that somehow matters immensely to me. I will stand on the deck of a ship in the mediterranean and drink in the green waters of Greece and the air of Italy. I will write more songs and record more on disc, silently content more than any single accomplishment, safe in the knowledge that my dream is still alive. I will watch and wait and dream and hope that all the things that I anticipate this year will come true. I will love and lose, I will dance and sing and cry. I will buy new clothes and make new friends. And somehow, I know that when the countdown begins upon the new year next year, no matter what I do, I will be a different woman, once again. 7:20 p.m. - Sunday, Jan. 02, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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