i send my SOS to the world- this is my message in a bottle.

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Unspoken Words and Restless Moments

There are so many words to be said.

And yet, because there are so many I struggle with the fact that I may never be able to say them all.

Saying them means running the risk of changing everything I know, and so maybe I can deny them by ignoring them, hoping to placate my spirit in other ways.

But what will I do...if I never say these words out loud? Never give my honest heart wings? Will I be forced to live under the consequences of the heavy denial I place on my heart?

Will I wake up one Summer morning, cursing myself audibly because I lost my chances forever by temporary stupidity?

But how can I help it? There is never a good time, never a moment when the words come effortlessly as they should. There isn't that pause that I am waiting for, the right second to interject all the things that I have meant to say over years and moments that have passed.

I'm always waiting for that moment, but it never seems to come.

What if it never does?

2:14 a.m. - Thursday, Jan. 13, 2005

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