i send my SOS to the world- this is my message in a bottle. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow? Will I be missed? I know that's a ridiculous question, but part of me, secretly worries about it. That so quickly the space that I occupy will be occupied, that I will be no more then a passing memory, a time. Maybe it's odd that I say that, because so much of me hopes that won't happen, and the logical part of me tells me that I will be. My rational mind says I shouldn't question these bonds. But at the same time, I can't help but wonder if the spaces that I occupy are only relevant to me. Will it be palpable or easily reconciled? It's not just the moment of leaving and moving to San Francisco. It's just life in general. It's that quintessential question- Do I matter to the people I love? Because sometimes as much as I'm there, for evening trips to IKEA or taquitos or conversation or hugs... do I really matter? Am I really important, are the people I love so feverishly and with all my heart...am I important to them too? Or am I filling space and time and boredom? Am I the person you talk to just because they are always listening? Will it be noticed when I am no longer there? Will it matter when I return? So many questions, tantamount to that overwhelming fear that the place I occupy so well right now will be gone when I return. I know I'll only be gone for a very short time...but I can't help but have these nagging fears. I can't help but wonder if the amputation from the people who keep me sane will only be felt by me. Is it selfish to want to be missed? And now the time is running short and I feel it so acutely. I feel each passing moment because of right now it is 6 days until I leave. 6 very short days, and I feel like I'm the only one in this boat, the only one who is cherishing moments and living and really caring that I'm leaving. And then, in a few days, it'll be too late. 1:29 a.m. - Friday, Jan. 14, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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