i send my SOS to the world- this is my message in a bottle. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- School of Life The learning never stops. And I don't just mean school. I started my classes this week. I can tell so far that there are some classes that are going to be truly interesting, but I'm still getting a feel for the caliber of education I'm recieving. We'll see. I did have a really cool class today called Sociology of Popular Culture. We watched a movie on Trekkies. Hahaha. But really, I think that'll be one of the classes that really gets me to think and discuss, so hopefully that will be good. Along with my Social Theory class which is with a professor from Berkley, I think those will be two standouts. I sat outside in the courtyard of my apartment calling friends and basically soaking in the only moderately chilly night. The apartment has been hot as hell and I needed some space to talk and not censure my words because they might be overheard. It felt good to talk to all the people I love in one evening, so more than an hour passed while I caught up with a bunch of voices that always tend to make me smile. The roomate situation is one that has taken a lot of getting used to. Sharing my space, compromising, etc (although even "compromising" would be great because that would infer that I even slightly would get my way) has been particularly educational for me. I've kind of stopped talking to her unless spoken to, although I am friendly when that happens. I've just stopped investing in THAT way. It'll probably just be easier if we live together but aren't entwined too much. I've been retreating into my own headspace quite often, taking long showers and basically rationing my time outside my headphones. I've been trying my very best to be accomodating...but maybe I've been TOO accomodating. My mom pointed out something though- she's like, "I know you're sweet, but you need to put your foot down," and my dad concurred. I didn't think "sweet" was the word I was, but upon closer inspection, I think it's a part of my personality that's been kinda latent that is rearing itself lately. Which is suprising- that's what happened when I worked at Sports Fantasy too. It's actually kinda nice to let that part of me stretch a bit because in the past I've kinda adopted a "hard ass" stance about things. It's cool to break it down and see what's really going on with me at this moment. But in certain contexts, sweet is not what I need to be. So I'm also learning to be more assertive, especially with strangers. I need to make my point known. We had a meeting yesterday regarding the situation, and I was actually kind of proud of myself. I tried very hard to be diplomatic, listen to everyone's point of view and really waited until I could fully understand where everyone was coming before I spoke. I'm still annoyed to no end, but at least some of the tension was diffused. I'm also adjusting to the different parts of me that I perhaps have defered to other people in the past. I'm learning again, aside from sweetness, listening, budgeting, organizational skills, adventure-seeking, thoughtful and optimistic parts of my personality. I'm reading....a lot. I'm reading articles from every magazine that has been lying around the apartment, Angela's Ashes that I borrowed from Dan, Hip Hop America, Social Theory, Jon Stewart's America, fashion, human interest, books on San Francisco... pretty much anything I can get a hold of. And, reading is my escape when I need that extra space. Learning comes in all forms. 12:35 a.m. - Wednesday, Feb. 02, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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