i send my SOS to the world- this is my message in a bottle.

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Home is Where the Carne Asada Is

Went downtown today and had mexican food for the first time since being up here.

What a let down.

I had this massive craving for taquitos and guacamole and luckily near Market at the art supply place Chin and I went to, there was a taqueria.

I ordered "super nachos" w/ carne asada which i was hoping would be a estimation of Carne Asada Chips from SoCal. Nope. Instead of real guacamole, it was "avacado salsa". Instead of carne asada it was this tepid looking light brown meat. Instead of that awesome yellow and white cheese...it was tiny sprinkles of whatever. Instead of white crispy chips, it was these really corn-y, yellow chips. It just made me crave being home in the worst way. I can almost taste those carne asada fries, those taquitos with the bright green guacamole, the fish tacos with that white sauce. AAAAHHH.

Anyway.

I went to another sorority/frat bonfire/mixer. It was better than yesterday- no GHB, rufies or unexplained drunkeness. The girls seemed nice enough and friendly. I know for a fact that it isn't me at all, that this isn't what I'm looking for or who I am. Maybe it could have been when I was younger, but now I'm older and I know what I'm looking for. And I know this isn't it.

That could be a total moot point because I couldn't do it anyway and didn't go into with the intention of having it be anything anyway.

But we went to Ocean Beach, drank and played games.

I guess I know that I'm here for something with more...substance. I could totally get all asian'd out, party and drink and club. But I came here for culture, for diversity, to try something totally different. And, while hanging with all these asian girls WOULD hypothetically be different, I'm looking for something just so away from everything I know.

And I'm old now. I want something real. Just like in the important relationships in my life, I want something real, something tangible. I want something that enriches my mind, something that pushes my limits. I want to learn about life, people, events, history, art, music, books. I want to see things through different eyes.

We'll see.

2:45 a.m. - Saturday, Feb. 05, 2005

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