i send my SOS to the world- this is my message in a bottle. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Home
I had one of the worst feelings of homesickness that I've had since I've been up here. I haven't cried yet or anything, but... sigh. I had a conflict with my roomate tonight. She's been so uncompromisinig, strict and I always feel like I'm walking on eggshells around her. I barely feel like I live here. I won't go into specifics, but the bottom line is this: I can justify my feelings and intellectualize the good and bad points, but that is pointless right now. I feel sad. I miss home. I'm glad I'm here- but that doesn't make it less hard to leave everything I love and be here. It doesn't matter the context- it's hard. Period. I want to be in my bed, in my room, talking to my mom, walking downstairs to my kitchen. My heart hurts. I guess it's hard enough, adjusting, moving, settling. I'm learning a lot. But the fact of the matter is that I have no sense of home here yet. And it's hard to cultivate it when I feel like a stranger in my own house, some polite houseguest stepping on someone else's habits. And it's even worse when you have a conflict and you're trapped in your apartment. There is nowhere to go, even if you could get to your car. There isn't anyone around at all. And it sucks because you know that at home you'd have that sense of peace, safety and security. And I am not here for those reasons, but living without them is hard. I wish I was home. 4:11 a.m. - Wednesday, Feb. 09, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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