i send my SOS to the world- this is my message in a bottle. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thaw of the Jaded Heart
Call me mushy perhaps, but the bitterness of love and relationships has somewhat subsided. I used to see couples on the streets, holding hands and walking in perfect synchronized time with a little bit of eye rolling and envy. But somehow...somehow, that feeling has faded, replaced with a somewhat warm feeling that makes me believe in the smallest ways in the power of people who love one another. There isn't any concrete reason for this mental turnaround, except maybe in knowing the obstacles and difficulties in finding someone who is truly right for you are difficult to overcome. Finding someone to love, and someone who loves you in return is exceptionally hard to do. So I guess it's kind of amazing how in a little way, people are able to perform this everyday miracle. Simply by loving one another. In a way, I've felt less urgency to find perfection. If that moment ever comes, I'll be all the luckier for being able to share it. And that feels good- letting go of something I know I have no control over. I'm just going to make me happy. So this Valentine's Day this is my resolution- I love me first. I've had some very bad Valentine's Day horror stories, but they don't apply on this day. Instead, I am happy that I am here in this city, that my life is good, that I have air in my lungs and a little (very little) money in my pocket. I love me, and I have amazing friends and family that fulfill me to the point of breaking. I'm pursuing things that are good for me, learning a lot about myself and realizing just how important all of this is. And, with all of these things falling into place- in learning who I am, hopefully I can find someone who loves me as I am with the person I am trying to become and in the things that I have deemed valid in the past 22 years. So Happy Valentine's Day to me. 1:05 a.m. - Monday, Feb. 14, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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