i send my SOS to the world- this is my message in a bottle. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Begins With A Single Step
I feel renewed. I'm here for me. My reasons are mine. It's a beautiful day, the kind of San Francisco day that almost reminds me of San Diego. The air has the feeling of spring, the sun has turned from the white-gray of the months passed into a soft blue. It seems like there are more people around campus today, sprawled out in the grass gathering sun, some reading, some talking amongst themselves. I think I've been too focused on certain situations lately, letting myself get caught up. I almost feel free in a way. I picked up the companion book to The Alchemist, called The Warrior of Light. Buy. This. Book. Now. It came to me under a passing recommendation, and I felt compelled to get it. Like, now. So I walked to the bookstore, and read some of it right there. I read very quickly, but I found myself savoring each word, letting them pass through me like letting chocolate melt in your mouth. The richness and the contradicting simplicity struck me immediately. I bought the book and went out to a little courtyard near my apartment, joining the other people enjoying the inception of spring. I listened to happier tunes and somehow, miraculously found some anchor, some direction. Instead of feeling burdened, I felt lightened, as if I had let something go, knowing that the path I'm choosing has other, different things for me. I was only seeing an ending, rather than a beginning, I saw my fear instead of the opportunity to conquer it and learn something. I saw my future, and I was knocked down by the uncertainty in it. But now, I almost relish the fact that I don't know where I'm going. No matter what you choose to do in life there will never be any guarantees. But I control that path because I walk it, I chose it, so whatever comes my way while uncertain is still a choice based on the path I choose. And you know what? Maybe I have so many more adventures to have that anything that stands in the way of that is somehow prohibiting me from finding it. I may not like it now, but maybe...just maybe, I have bigger plans that I'm not aware of yet. Maybe I'll see the world. Maybe I'll always love home. Maybe I'll finsh school quickly. Maybe I won't go back for awhile. Maybe I'll move to New York. Maybe I'll travel Europe. Maybe I'll sing to crowds of thousands. Maybe I'll just sing to one person, in my car. Maybe I'll make every single day an adventure and be happy with that. Maybe I'll make a lot of mistakes in between. Maybe I'll falter and lose my way. Maybe I'll never find what I'm looking for, but relish the journey. Maybe I'll do it my way. Maybe I'll defy what I always thought I would do, throw caution to the wind and let go. I thought for so long that this was my adventure, but now I'm realizing that this is just the beginning, the jumping off point. Now I know I can do anything, that I can go anywhere, and you know what? Maybe I will. 3:49 p.m. - Thursday, Mar. 10, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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